Support Is Good. Advocacy Changes Things.

There's a difference between supporting someone and advocating for them, and I've been thinking about that difference a lot lately.

Support can look like showing up, listening, encouraging someone, sitting in the audience, or telling someone privately that you believe in what they're doing. All of those things matter, and sometimes that encouragement is exactly what someone needs to keep going. But advocacy asks us to take what we believe and put it into action. It means giving someone credit publicly, making an introduction, recommending someone in your network, or opening a door they may not have been able to open on their own.

I say this one all the time: Say someone's name when they're not in the room.

That one has always mattered to me because some of the most important opportunities I've had in my career started in conversations I wasn't part of. Someone knew my work, believed I could contribute, and spoke my name in a room I hadn't entered yet. Someone believed in me enough to advocate for me, to support me with action rather than encouragement alone. Sometimes I didn't even know the room existed, and those conversations changed the direction of my life.

That's advocacy. And when you've been on the receiving end of it, you understand just how powerful it can be.

We Have to Listen First

I don't want to skip over this part because I think it's one of the most important pieces of the conversation. If you've listened to Coffey Talk for any length of time, you know that active listening is something I come back to again and again. I've learned so much from people simply because I was willing to listen to a perspective that wasn't my own.

If I haven't experienced something myself, I can't assume that I completely understand it. A great example of this happened during my recent conversation with Ryan Gonzales and Cam Sessinger about Women in Tech. Ryan shared a perspective with me that I hadn't really considered before, and it shifted something in the way I was thinking. I love when that happens. It's one of the reasons I enjoy having these conversations in the first place. I don't want to walk away from every conversation thinking exactly the same way I did when I walked into it.

When we listen with an open mind and a willingness to grow, we create space for our thinking to change. That doesn't mean we have to agree with every detail of someone else's experience, but it does mean recognizing that our own experience isn't the only one. There's something incredibly valuable about being curious enough to learn from the people around us.

Listening creates empathy, and education gives us context. Together, they help us better understand experiences we may never have had ourselves. And once we have that understanding, we have a choice about what we do with it. We can appreciate the conversation and move on, or we can take what we've learned and use it to make a difference.

Women in Tech Needs Men

I believe deeply in Women in Tech. I believe women need spaces where we can come together, share our experiences, find mentors, build relationships, and see ourselves reflected in someone else's story. I've spent a tremendous amount of time helping create those spaces because I've seen firsthand what happens when women connect through shared experiences. Those connections can change careers, build confidence, and create opportunities that might never have existed otherwise.

But I also believe this: Women in Tech can't only be women talking to other women.

If the people who need to understand these experiences are never part of the conversation, eventually we're talking in an echo chamber. We're sharing stories, identifying challenges, and encouraging each other, but we may not be reaching the people who could help us change some of the things we're talking about. And while I believe those conversations among women are incredibly important, stopping there doesn't create the kind of lasting change I'm interested in creating.

I want men in the room. Not to solve things for us or take over the conversation, but to listen, learn, and understand perspectives they might not have otherwise considered. I want them to hear the stories, ask questions, and recognize experiences that may be very different from their own. And then I want them to think about how they can use that understanding to become advocates.

That's one of the reasons I was so glad Ryan joined Cam and me on Coffey Talk. He brought a perspective that added something important to the conversation, and I think we need more of that. Men who are willing to show up, listen, learn, and then use their influence to help create opportunities for women. Because advocacy doesn't always require a grand gesture. Sometimes it's recognizing someone's contribution, recommending her for an opportunity, or making sure her voice is heard when she's not in the room.

If we want Women in Tech to create real, lasting change, we need more than women supporting women. We need a community that understands why this matters and is willing to participate in making things better.

This Is How Community Creates Change

And here's where I think this conversation becomes much bigger than Women in Tech.

Every one of us has something we care deeply about. Maybe it's a community we want to strengthen, a problem we want to help solve, a person whose voice deserves to be heard, or something we simply want to leave better than we found it. We all have things that matter to us, and I think most of us genuinely want to make a difference in the world around us.

But there's a difference between caring about something and participating in creating change.

I've spent a lot of my life involved in communities, and one of the things I've learned is that meaningful change rarely happens because one person has a great idea or cares deeply about a cause. It happens because other people decide that it matters to them, too. They bring their experiences, their relationships, their perspectives, and whatever time or resources they have available. Sometimes they lead, and sometimes they simply show up when someone needs an extra set of hands.

I've been fortunate to have people do that for me, and I've tried to do the same for others. Sometimes the most meaningful contribution we can make is something that seems relatively small. It's taking the time to listen more carefully, being open to learning something new, using our voice to create an opportunity for someone else, or noticing the person standing at the edge of the room and inviting them into the conversation.

I think about how many opportunities, relationships, and experiences in my own life began because someone made an introduction or encouraged me to step into something I wasn't sure I was ready for. Those moments matter. And we have the ability to create those moments for other people, often without realizing how much of a difference we're making.

So maybe the question we should be asking ourselves isn't simply what we care about, but what we're willing to do about it. Where can we show up a little more? Where can we listen with more intention? Who could benefit from an introduction, an opportunity, or a little encouragement backed by action?

Say the name. Make the introduction. Open the door.

Because real change rarely happens because one person cared deeply about something. It happens when enough people decide to care together, and then do something about it.

Listen to this episode on:

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-in-tech-is-a-community-conversation-cameron/id1835167771?i=1000793243038

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0cn9vgHqIO8uqsm1w2UjOv?si=f312744df7ba42e6

YouTube: https://youtu.be/3K-NgOwoN2E?si=qAS_JEnhVlB3k7Q9

Watch on YouTube: https://youtu.be/PIVHgqjt9DM?si=BdoKed-leOWerZTt