The Nervous Ones Are Usually the Ones Who Care Most
I get nervous before almost every stage I step onto. It doesn't matter if there are ten people in the room or a thousand. Earlier this year I introduced two women I admire deeply, and my hands were shaking before I said a single word. Someone standing next to me offered me a margarita and told me she never expected me, of all people, to be that nervous.
I used to think that feeling meant something was wrong with me. That the people who belonged on a stage were the ones who felt steady walking into the room.
The Class With Eight People and One Woman
My guest this week told me about a networking class she took in her thirties. Eight students, one instructor, and she was the only woman in the room. For almost a month, she didn't speak. She wrote her questions down instead of asking them out loud, convinced that opening her mouth would prove she didn't belong there.
She was the only one who passed the certification exam at the end of it.
That detail tells you more about confidence than any speech could.
Quiet Isn't the Opposite of Capable
We tend to treat quiet like it's a problem to fix. Like the goal is to get loud enough, confident enough, polished enough to finally earn a seat at the table. But the people who've actually built something worth building are usually the ones who were doing the work long before anyone was watching.
What Building Without an Audience Looks Like
Long before there was a community around her, my guest was building an app for her dad's cattle business, just to make his life a little easier. No audience, no launch plan, no announcement. Just a real problem and a willingness to try.
That's usually where confidence actually comes from: the small, unglamorous reps nobody sees, long before there's a stage involved.
Starting Is the Whole Skill
I don't think I'll ever stop getting nervous before I speak. I've made peace with that. What changed is what I do with the nerves. I say the first word anyway, and I let the rest follow.
If you're waiting to feel ready before you start building, sharing, or speaking up, that feeling doesn't usually arrive on its own. You start first. The confidence catches up later, if it shows up at all. Either way, you're already building something that matters.
Check out this episode of Coffey Talk with Shawn Sissenwein:
